A growing number of young men and women are either financially unable to marry or are happily trading the security of married life for the hassle-free single status, Nahed Nassr examines a swelling wave
I am not anti-marriage, but I refuse to sacrifice just to have the title of 'married woman'," declared 35-year-old Amina, a single secondary school teacher who lives in Baragil, a small town on the outskirts of Cairo. Even though building a family of her own was one of Amina's long-standing dreams, she now prefers to keep it a dream rather than living the "nightmare" that is marriage. "I was brought up in a family that believes in mutual respect and understanding among its members," she said. Her late father used to respect her mother in a way that she fears is difficult for any man to replicate. Both of Amina's elder sisters are married, but their lives have taken a sour turn. "One got divorced after a couple of years and is now raising a child on her own and the other had to quit her job to join her husband in a Gulf country and is now forced to stay home looking after her three kids," Amina said.
All the same, living with her widowed mother and her divorced sister is not trouble-free. Both are constantly pressuring her to accept the first man that knocks at the door. "My mother is afraid that I will end up a lonely spinster. She thinks my divorced sister is better off because at least she has a child to look after who will grow to keep her company in the future," Amina muses at how her family thinks. Reflecting on her three ex-fiancés, Amina maintained she could not have put up with any one of the three. "I really am enjoying my life as it is and I am earning my living by myself. I will marry only if I find a real man," she said.
For Amina, remaining unmarried is a matter of personal choice. Other young Egyptians are less lucky, as they are financially unable to afford the often high cost of marriage. Samira, a young woman in her early 30s, works in a clothing store in Ataba. Her boyfriend, Mohamed, works in a factory. They were to be engaged, but her brothers have refused to take any official step until he has a flat ready.
For the hopeful couple, the prospect of marriage is getting more and more distant as time goes by. For one, living with Mohamed's family in their two-room flat is out of the question. Mohamed and Samira are looking for a long-term rental that is easy on the pocket. Secondly, they are both insecure in their jobs. Poor working conditions has Mohamed switching jobs year after year and the clothing store where Samira works pays low wages. Samira wishes the good old days would return when every mother prepared for her daughter's wedding day by buying the necessary home accessories, and the bridegroom was the one responsible for the flat and the furniture. "Now, things are different. The bride and her bridegroom are almost equally sharing the financial cost of getting married. Their respective families can only afford blessing the marriage," she commented bitterly. Samira's father is an elderly man who for many years worked in a factory and was barely able to educate his four children and provide for everyday needs. "My older sisters were lucky because their husbands already had flats of their own. Living in your own flat gives you a sense of security that rentals fail to provide. My brothers are right in postponing our official engagement for now," she said.
In a country where contact between couples outside the course of wedlock is still unsanctioned, how does the couple steer the course of their relationship under such daunting circumstances? "We meet from time to time in public places, so as to keep our reputation intact. I love Mohamed, but I also want to get married the proper way with my family's blessings. You never know what might happen in the future. I do not want to follow the path of other girls who opted for unregistered marriages, sacrificing their family ties in the process," Samira said. Unlike her mother, who married at the age of 18, she and most of her friends are over 30 and having trouble tying the knot for financial reasons.
Amina, Samira and Mohamed are among a growing number of young people in Egypt today who have remained single for a myriad of reasons.
According to a recent Central Agency for Public Mobilisation and Statistics (CAPMAS) report, nine million Egyptians over the conventional marrying age of 35 are single. Surprisingly, the number of unmarried females is only 3.5 million, compared to 5.5 million unmarried males.
The report findings induced some MPs to say spinsterhood was becoming a threat to social stability, urging the government to take urgent steps to facilitate marriage. They suggested a handful of measures, such as providing young people with access to cheaper flats in newly established cities, starting campaigns to raise people's awareness of the importance of reducing marriage costs, facilitating collective weddings and launching fundraising campaigns to provide young people with marriage loans.
To address the dire social consequences of the late marriage phenomenon, a collective effort between governmental and non-governmental parties -- namely the Ministry of Culture, the Ministry of Communications, the National Council for Women, several social research centres and a number of NGOs -- resulted in the launch of a campaign in 2005 under the slogan: "Marriage delay is not the end of the world". The campaign target was single young women in several governorates; its aim being to integrate them into voluntary social and cultural activities that would render them active and productive members of society. As promising as it sounds, this campaign, which began in mid-2005, has faltered, as it seems to have been planned as a short-term project, with no strategy in place for its maintenance and progress.
Another slightly bizarre response to the singles phenomenon was adopted by Hayam Darbouk, the founder of the Right to Life NGO, whose motto is: "One wife is not enough." The association promotes the idea of men taking more than one wife and its main objective is to assist unmarried women to find and marry married men. According to Darbouk, multiple marriages will solve many problems, including immoral love affairs, secret marriages and marriages to foreign wives instead of Egyptians. "I would help my own husband marry another wife if he wants to," Darbouk tells her listeners to display how passionately she believes in her mission.
Professor and sociologist, Shahida El-Baz, believes the so- called conventional age for marriage should be scrapped, "simply because it does not exist anymore." In the past, she said, most Egyptian girls married between the ages of 13 and 15 and if a girl reached 20 and had still not married, she was considered a spinster. At present, due to cultural and social changes, women start to think about marriage after graduation and only a few will get married at 23 or 24. Most girls marry in their late 20s and mid-30s, when they can afford it. El-Baz believes the main reason for the rise in the marriage age is due to deteriorating economic conditions. Young people now are forced to grapple with high rates of unemployment, insecure jobs and low wages. While stressing changes in social values, El-Baz thinks marriage is still the most acceptable social establishment. However, the institution of marriage is not as sacred as it was in times gone by, she said. Those who have the money to get married get divorced as fast as they marry. Contributing factors are also the spread of other forms of relationships between men and women besides the traditional marriage. According to El-Baz, the word "spinster" that used to stigmatise single women does not have the same meaning and is rarely used anymore.
Medically speaking, Rima El-Khofsh, a doctor, says that marriage before the age of 40 is preferable, but scientific progress has helped men and women remain fertile for longer. In terms of sexual efficiency, El-Khofsh said that good health and sexual compatibility are more determining factors.
The social stigma of pushing 40 and being single has not, however, altogether disappeared. Karima is a mother of four and her only daughter is a single woman in her late 30s. "Going to a relative's wedding is really hard. I do not like it when other women of the family keep asking me why my girl has not married yet, nor when they keep wishing her good luck in finding a groom. It sounds like she is to blame in some way," Karima said. Karima admitted, however, to sometimes giving in to antiquated modes of thinking, saying that although she trusts her daughter, she keeps a close watch on what she wears, where she goes and when she comes back home.
Physiologist Hani Yehia said there were social, cultural and physiological factors contributing to the delay in marriage. He believes that remaining single beyond the socially acceptable age of marriage leads to a feeling of alienation, frustration and failure. He also mentions sleeping and appetite disorders, unease and nervousness as a result of sexual suppression. "Those symptoms could carry on even after the marriage, especially in our closed societies," he said. Yet, physiologically speaking, Yehia does not believe there is a perfect age for marriage. According to him, what makes anyone mature enough to be responsible for a family has nothing to do with age. "It all depends on the social context, previous experiences and mental and physiological health. Those factors could be different from one person to another in one society and even in one family," he said.
Out of personal choice, economic inadequacy or rapidly changing social norms, more and more Egyptians are remaining single these days. Although the phenomenon has some people ringing the danger bells, Egyptian society has, in general, gradually eased itself into a new acceptance of the social situation.
All the same, living with her widowed mother and her divorced sister is not trouble-free. Both are constantly pressuring her to accept the first man that knocks at the door. "My mother is afraid that I will end up a lonely spinster. She thinks my divorced sister is better off because at least she has a child to look after who will grow to keep her company in the future," Amina muses at how her family thinks. Reflecting on her three ex-fiancés, Amina maintained she could not have put up with any one of the three. "I really am enjoying my life as it is and I am earning my living by myself. I will marry only if I find a real man," she said.
For Amina, remaining unmarried is a matter of personal choice. Other young Egyptians are less lucky, as they are financially unable to afford the often high cost of marriage. Samira, a young woman in her early 30s, works in a clothing store in Ataba. Her boyfriend, Mohamed, works in a factory. They were to be engaged, but her brothers have refused to take any official step until he has a flat ready.
For the hopeful couple, the prospect of marriage is getting more and more distant as time goes by. For one, living with Mohamed's family in their two-room flat is out of the question. Mohamed and Samira are looking for a long-term rental that is easy on the pocket. Secondly, they are both insecure in their jobs. Poor working conditions has Mohamed switching jobs year after year and the clothing store where Samira works pays low wages. Samira wishes the good old days would return when every mother prepared for her daughter's wedding day by buying the necessary home accessories, and the bridegroom was the one responsible for the flat and the furniture. "Now, things are different. The bride and her bridegroom are almost equally sharing the financial cost of getting married. Their respective families can only afford blessing the marriage," she commented bitterly. Samira's father is an elderly man who for many years worked in a factory and was barely able to educate his four children and provide for everyday needs. "My older sisters were lucky because their husbands already had flats of their own. Living in your own flat gives you a sense of security that rentals fail to provide. My brothers are right in postponing our official engagement for now," she said.
In a country where contact between couples outside the course of wedlock is still unsanctioned, how does the couple steer the course of their relationship under such daunting circumstances? "We meet from time to time in public places, so as to keep our reputation intact. I love Mohamed, but I also want to get married the proper way with my family's blessings. You never know what might happen in the future. I do not want to follow the path of other girls who opted for unregistered marriages, sacrificing their family ties in the process," Samira said. Unlike her mother, who married at the age of 18, she and most of her friends are over 30 and having trouble tying the knot for financial reasons.
Amina, Samira and Mohamed are among a growing number of young people in Egypt today who have remained single for a myriad of reasons.
According to a recent Central Agency for Public Mobilisation and Statistics (CAPMAS) report, nine million Egyptians over the conventional marrying age of 35 are single. Surprisingly, the number of unmarried females is only 3.5 million, compared to 5.5 million unmarried males.
The report findings induced some MPs to say spinsterhood was becoming a threat to social stability, urging the government to take urgent steps to facilitate marriage. They suggested a handful of measures, such as providing young people with access to cheaper flats in newly established cities, starting campaigns to raise people's awareness of the importance of reducing marriage costs, facilitating collective weddings and launching fundraising campaigns to provide young people with marriage loans.
To address the dire social consequences of the late marriage phenomenon, a collective effort between governmental and non-governmental parties -- namely the Ministry of Culture, the Ministry of Communications, the National Council for Women, several social research centres and a number of NGOs -- resulted in the launch of a campaign in 2005 under the slogan: "Marriage delay is not the end of the world". The campaign target was single young women in several governorates; its aim being to integrate them into voluntary social and cultural activities that would render them active and productive members of society. As promising as it sounds, this campaign, which began in mid-2005, has faltered, as it seems to have been planned as a short-term project, with no strategy in place for its maintenance and progress.
Another slightly bizarre response to the singles phenomenon was adopted by Hayam Darbouk, the founder of the Right to Life NGO, whose motto is: "One wife is not enough." The association promotes the idea of men taking more than one wife and its main objective is to assist unmarried women to find and marry married men. According to Darbouk, multiple marriages will solve many problems, including immoral love affairs, secret marriages and marriages to foreign wives instead of Egyptians. "I would help my own husband marry another wife if he wants to," Darbouk tells her listeners to display how passionately she believes in her mission.
Professor and sociologist, Shahida El-Baz, believes the so- called conventional age for marriage should be scrapped, "simply because it does not exist anymore." In the past, she said, most Egyptian girls married between the ages of 13 and 15 and if a girl reached 20 and had still not married, she was considered a spinster. At present, due to cultural and social changes, women start to think about marriage after graduation and only a few will get married at 23 or 24. Most girls marry in their late 20s and mid-30s, when they can afford it. El-Baz believes the main reason for the rise in the marriage age is due to deteriorating economic conditions. Young people now are forced to grapple with high rates of unemployment, insecure jobs and low wages. While stressing changes in social values, El-Baz thinks marriage is still the most acceptable social establishment. However, the institution of marriage is not as sacred as it was in times gone by, she said. Those who have the money to get married get divorced as fast as they marry. Contributing factors are also the spread of other forms of relationships between men and women besides the traditional marriage. According to El-Baz, the word "spinster" that used to stigmatise single women does not have the same meaning and is rarely used anymore.
Medically speaking, Rima El-Khofsh, a doctor, says that marriage before the age of 40 is preferable, but scientific progress has helped men and women remain fertile for longer. In terms of sexual efficiency, El-Khofsh said that good health and sexual compatibility are more determining factors.
The social stigma of pushing 40 and being single has not, however, altogether disappeared. Karima is a mother of four and her only daughter is a single woman in her late 30s. "Going to a relative's wedding is really hard. I do not like it when other women of the family keep asking me why my girl has not married yet, nor when they keep wishing her good luck in finding a groom. It sounds like she is to blame in some way," Karima said. Karima admitted, however, to sometimes giving in to antiquated modes of thinking, saying that although she trusts her daughter, she keeps a close watch on what she wears, where she goes and when she comes back home.
Physiologist Hani Yehia said there were social, cultural and physiological factors contributing to the delay in marriage. He believes that remaining single beyond the socially acceptable age of marriage leads to a feeling of alienation, frustration and failure. He also mentions sleeping and appetite disorders, unease and nervousness as a result of sexual suppression. "Those symptoms could carry on even after the marriage, especially in our closed societies," he said. Yet, physiologically speaking, Yehia does not believe there is a perfect age for marriage. According to him, what makes anyone mature enough to be responsible for a family has nothing to do with age. "It all depends on the social context, previous experiences and mental and physiological health. Those factors could be different from one person to another in one society and even in one family," he said.
Out of personal choice, economic inadequacy or rapidly changing social norms, more and more Egyptians are remaining single these days. Although the phenomenon has some people ringing the danger bells, Egyptian society has, in general, gradually eased itself into a new acceptance of the social situation.
